


Dr. Thirst Trap

by johnbrannox



Category: Space Force
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24695620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnbrannox/pseuds/johnbrannox
Summary: Mallory gets a new nickname.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	Dr. Thirst Trap

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PacketofRedApples](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PacketofRedApples/gifts).



> Inspired by and dedicated to (and gifted to!) my friend Fraser, whose display name in a mutual chat server has been “dr. thirst trap” for quite some time now… and then he got into Space Force and promptly decided to use Mallory for his profile picture. And thus the idea for this fic was born, with much hilarity between us. Oh, and also a particular photograph of a young John Malkovich looking like a thirst trap didn’t help matters...

The minute Mallory set foot in the building, he knew something was amiss.

“Ayyyyy, Dr. Thirst Trap!”

Ugh, Fuck Tony, pushing the boundaries of being a pest, as usual… what was he today, the official Space Force greeter? Were they taking tips from Walmart now?

Upon seeing Mallory (and who _didn’t_ , what with that little shit announcing his presence like that…), a few young cadets who happened to be passing by whooped (or jeered?) at him.

Scratching his head with a finger, he came up to Tony. “Uh, Fuck Tony, what did you just call me? And what was _that_ about?” He nodded his head at the departing cadets. A little confused, a little annoyed… the _fuck_ was going on?

“Dr. Thirst Trap! That’s what they’re all calling you on Twitter – you’re trending, can you believe that?” Fuck Tony laughed gleefully, clapping his hands together. “You know what they say, all publicity is good publicity. Thanks for taking one for the team, doc!”

This was beginning to get on Mallory’s nerves. “I’m… sorry, could you enlighten me as to _why_ these ‘Twits’ are calling me that, and why the fuck I’m ‘trending’?”

Tony was _Ecstatic_. “O-ho, you don’t know? Oh this is gonna be a treat, this is so exciting. Here, lemme show you…” He pulled out his phone.

“Someone leaked this pic of a certain chief scientist…”

Tony opened the Twitter app and pulled up the photograph in question, practically shoving it in Mallory’s face in his glee.

Oh _god_ … one look at it and Mallory groaned and buried his face in his hands, massaging his temples. How the fuck did anyone get their hands on _that_ unfortunate photo? It’s probably been shared a million times all over the world by now…

“… looking po-si-tive-ly _zaddy_ from wayyy back in the day. _Yowza_ , am I right?”

Mallory shot Tony a dirty look. “You little shit –”

“Hey, it wasn’t me, I swear!” Tony protested, and then added wistfully, “… oh but if only it was…”

Mallory shook his head, grumbling under his breath, and made a beeline for his office.

“Doc, trust me, people are _loving_ you, and that means they’re loving _us_! See, we’re trending too!” He called out to Mallory as the scientist stormed away. “Hey, you know, you should get on Twitter! I can manage your account if you’re too boomer for social media!”

He could just about make out Mallory’s retort of “Fuck your anti-social media!” from the distance.


End file.
